Our world's upside down.

"Dance and game are frivolous, unimportant down here; for ‘down here’ is not their natural place. Here, they are a moment’s rest from the life we were placed here to live. But in this world everything is upside down . . .
"Joy is the serious business of heaven."



thanks mr. c. s. lewis.

So, while I was reading through my magazines I came across an ad offering to tell me more about myself by analyzing my handwriting (and sell me a pen, but that’s beside the point, right?). You can do it yourself too, by just going to the website instead of sending your stuff off in the mail and waiting a couple of weeks to hear back from an anonymous analysis. I got really excited about it . . . and spent forever trying to get the survey to work on a spotty internet connection. Who knew that the way you loop your ys and cross your ts tells you about how you relate to your parents and what kind of a leader you are? –and that word spacing indicates whether you’re an introvert or an extrovert?!

I’ll be submitting my actual handwriting to see if I get different results. But in the meantime, I found out that the slant of my writing –or maybe it was the size?- indicates that I am a very warm person and, apparently, a good lover too.

Try it for yourself!

After one week in Eugene, I’m finally settling into life at school.

The first day back was a bit of a whirlwind. I tried to unpack and get myself organized, going through all the emails I’d received from my professor in the time I’d been away. I tried to read everything and at least have a clue as to what was going on and ended up feeling hopelessly behind. Sitting in on the class and talking to my prof made me feel a lot better about the whole thing: Alison was pretty confident I could catch up quite easily and be right on track for the next week.

And then, the next morning I got sick. I spent my first full day back in Eugene hugging the toilet. Ouf. What was almost worse than being sick was the very upsetting fact that I broke my twelve year streak of not throwing up! It was a point of particular pride . . . but I guess it serves me right. The next few days were kinda awful. I kept thinking I was feeling better but I couldn’t keep anything down. By the time Friday rolled around I was feeling so miserable that my mom had to come down from Salem and sweep me away in the middle of a pumpkin carving party that Molly was hosting in our apartment. (I was a dismal host, assuming the fetal position in my room and moaning every once in a while. Basically.) Usually I would consider it embarrassing that at the age of 22 my parents would have to pick me up from a party, but I was feeling wretched enough not to care.

I felt much better then next day, and my mom enforced a diet of dry crackers. But by the time dinner came around I could have real food for the first time in three days; it tasted sooooo good.
I spent the rest of the weekend recovering and sleeping . . . went to church on Sunday and said hi to everyone. I felt like a bit of a broken record saying how much I loved my trip though.

I’ve spent the last two days here at school, trying to come up with two different proposals for my thesis project before class on Tuesday night. One is fun, the other is rubbish (mostly because that was the “assigned version” –we had to dream up a project based on an article we read in a magazine). I’d forgotten how fun it is to really get excited about a project. The beginning is always so thrilling because there are so many possibilities. There I was tapping away at my laptop very excitedly taptaptatattataTAPTaTAPTAPTAptapataaTAPTAP. I’m taking a little breather form it today, but I’ll be back at work on it soon.
I stopped and talked to another prof last night – the German one who always holds me accountable to do better and encourages me to move upward and onward. I told her about my trip and how I loved Holland so much that I wanted to move there and work there. “Of course –it’s a beautiful country! So did you bring your portfolio along?” Anyways, I hope I don’t lose momentum and do make a big move when I’m done school. There are really so many options at this point I just have to pick a direction. It’s really exciting and slightly terrifying, but I can’t wait to see where I end up a year from now.

So here I sit, barefoot and crosslegged on my couch (which I’m very proud of. I’ve never had a couch before in my school apartment!) and nursing a mug of chai, contemplating some big questions. Well, pretty much the usual questions when you’re in your 20s and trying to figure out what to do.

But I have more immediate things to attend to. I still haven’t unpacked my bags completely! It’s so ridiculous because that’s the one thing I was sick of when I was traveling: living out of a bag. There are pictures to hang on the wall and a stack of design magazines to catch up on reading before I dive back into my own project. Hm. I subscribe to too many periodicals. I think there are like 5. And that doesn’t count the ones I buy for fun or the news ones I read at my parents’ . . .

Some pictures from my trip!
(A very small selection. I had to choose from somewhere around 700 pictures! These are the very brief highlights!)

Justine and me, with St. Paul's behind us.


Justine in Barcelona


Aaahh, Paris.



Beautiful Holland.



Justine at Edinburgh Castle.


Hanging out with Nuria and Robert in front of the Tower of London, watching the lights on the Thames.

Well, it finally happened. Today I cried.
Stoic Sabrina, the one who couldn't shed a tear when she said goodbye to good friends she may not see for many years. Who didn't shed a tear of happiness when two near and dear cousins were recently married. Who didn't cry when listening to beautiful music sung to the praise of God among his saints in foreign places, beautiful places (only nearly did). Who didn't cry when she said goodbye to one robust and teary-eyed grandmother while being squeezed to death in a great big hug and not when she gave what might be the last goodbye kiss to a frail and feeble grandmother who doesn't even know her granddaughter anymore.
And not when she turned around, and marched resolutely into the airport with bag and backpack in tow after a cheery goodbye to a cousin she'd only recently begun to get reaquainted with (this is what the separation of many miles does) -after they travelled many miles together, both far from home.
But this morning, after packing once again and running around the house trying to get organized for the move to Eugene -everything taking twice as long as usual - loading up the car, getting groceries: that litany of ordinary things that must be done as life moves on. After settling into the drivers' seat and making my way nearly halfway to Eugene, enjoying the scenic drive on the I-5 (Oregon really is beautiful), I switched the cd in the player to a new old favorite (if you'll let me invent that category); I quickly skipped ahead to my favorite track: David Crowder's "All Creatures." It's one that Justine and I had been blasting in the car as we'd been driving from place to place, visiting friends and family throughout Southern Ontario.
And then, without even realizing it, I started to cry. This is me, Sabrina, dealing with emotional crap. Telling myself to get over it.
But then I stopped fighting and started thinking. And just drove though the tears, realizing God's goodness to me his child, feeling overwhelmed with love. His love for me. His graciousness to me. And to the ones that I love and who love me. To creation as a whole.
I only snapped out of it to stop speeding. As much.

So this late Canadian celebrated a late Thanksgiving this morning. It's good to be back.


All creatures of our God and King
Life up your voice and with us sing
O praise Him, alleluia
Thou burning sun with golden beam
Thou silver moon with softer gleam
O praise Him, O praise Him
Alleluia, alleluia, alleluia

Thou rushing wind that art so strong
Ye clouds that sail in heav'n along
O praise Him, alleluia
Thou rising moon in praise rejoice
Ye lights of evening find a voice
O praise Him, O praise Him
Alleluia, alleluia, alleluia

Let all things their Creator bless
And worship Him in humbleness
O praise Him, alleluia
Praise, praise the Father, praise the Son
And praise the Spirit, three in One
O praise Him, O praise Him
Alleluia, alleluia, alleluia

Praise, praise the Father, praise the Son
And praise the Spirit, three in One
O praise Him, O praise Him
Alleluia, alleluia, alleluia

O, alleluia, alleluia
(David Croweder, "All Creatures Pt. 2" from Illumination)

Alleluia and amen.